GEAR UP!

WARNING SIGNS

RATING SYSTEM

MOVIE REVIEWS

PREVIEW REVIEWS

MOVIE NIGHT

THE IDEA

Dwayne Johnson has been getting ripped on by his WWE fans for making “p*ssy” movies lately (Race to Witch Mountain, The Game Plan and The Tooth Fairy), so let’s put him in something where he can “put the smack down!”

Here, he’s a dude who was wronged - some a-holes killed his brother during a bank robbery gone wrong. Now, after ten years in jail, he’s a free man, with one thing on his mind: REVENGE!!!

THE “MOVIE HOOK UP” PITCH

The Punisher + Death Wish + The Brave One

HOW IS IT BETTER?

Quality car chases.

Solid fighting scenes. I’m mean, come on, it’s The Rock (Sorry, but, to me, Dwayne has to take his alter ego’s advice and, “Know his role”). We know what he’s cookin’ and it involves opening a can of whoop-ass.

What you see is what you get. This is grindhouse-style- revenge-movie fun. It knows what it is.

WARNING SIGNS

THE PEDIGREE

  THE TITLE MAKES ME THINK...

Faster than Fast & Furious?

It’s so simple. Can’t decide if it’s genius or idiotic.

THE TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC

WWE fans.

Males 13 - 35 who were into the WWE when it was still WWF when The Rock was in his prime.

Anyone who’s in the mood for a fun, mindless revenge flick.

THE PEOPLE TO THANK FOR THIS

Do we really need to do this? Okay, fine.

ACT I - There’s two directions the opening will take:

1) Start with Driver, yes, that’s The Rock’s name here, Driver, just Driver, no last name (as mentioned in the warning signs section). Oh, and guess what the bad guy British dude’s name is? Killer! Yeah, just...Killer. But hey, I guess that’s awesome cause, like, this movie isn’t pretending to be more than grindhouse cinema, right? 

Where was I? Oh, yeah, start with Driver in prison. He’s been there ten years, the victim of a robbery gone bad, or the fall guy for an untrustworthy gang he was teamed up with to rob the bank. Either way, something went wrong and his brother...named...Passenger? was throat-slashed right in FRONT OF HIM!!! He saw Passenger die! And he couldn’t do anything about it! All of this will be seen in flashback.

He gets out and contacts a reliable friend who has been tracking the murderers and he gives Driver the information.

2) Option two is taking the backstory and starting there. The gang robs a bank, something goes wrong, a double-cross takes place and Driver is arrested, tried and sentenced.

ACT II - Driver has the list, ah-la Kill Bill, and hunts everyone down.

All is this is pretty much shown in the preview. Some dude is in the nightclub and he injures him then gets him in the hospital. Then there’s the pervert with the video camera and the creepy catch phrase, he gets a headshot. Same thing for the guy with the 9 to 5 cubicle job, he gets a brainsplat special.

Now, here’s the thing; there’s fast cars, women with lingerie, guns, leather jackets - all that cool action movie stuff. Those are genre set pieces and they’re great. But, how about opposition? In essence this is like Running Man, if you remember that Ah-nuld classic he has to work his way through “The Slayers” in order to win his freedom. The thing is, we believed that The Slayers might stop him. Who is the threat here? Do we really think anyone has a chance of stopping Driver?

The Hugh Grant dude? Not really. No chance. Billy Bob the cop? Sorry. So, it’s basically us waiting to see how much ass-kicking The Rock dishes out within a 90 minute period. As long as we know what we’re getting, nothing wrong with that.

But since the laws of dramatics requires it, expect somehow, some way, Driver to be on the verge of not completing his mission at the end of Act II. One of his targets, probably The Queen’s English guy will have the upper hand.

ACT III - Driver overcomes the, “Tune in next week, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel, cliffhanger,” and takes out the two killers and avoids police.

The teaser preview has this semi-spiritual tone to it dealing with forgiveness, redemption and the evils of revenge. There’s a chance drama experienced director George Tillman Jr. might incorporate those themes. Maybe Driver doesn’t kill the dude on the beach as the preview  hints he will.

The preview makes it seem like Faster is an unapologetic grindhouse style action murderfest. Those 70’s classic  usually ended without bow-tied redemptions. There is no pot of warm and fuzzy emotional gold at the end of the rainbow. In Death Wish and Dirty Harry the sky remains overcast and gray.

Here, it totally seems like the final shot will be Driver in a bad ass car driving away with the music pumping, a hottie in the passenger seat and a grin on his face that says, “Let’s make a TV show out of this idea. I’ll go from town to town solving people’s problems. It’ll be The A-Team meets The Fugitive with a dash of Knight Rider.”

There’s a possibility that the Billy Bob Thornton character...named...guess. Come on, just guess....yep, it’s...Cop!

I. Love. This. Movie.

It’s so...skanky. It’s in your face, lack of subtly makes it attractive in that I-know-it’s-bad-for-me-but-I-can’t-help-but-be-attracted-to-it-because-it’s-purposely-pissing-on-the-rules-and-daring-us-to-call-it-out.

Wait, what? Okay, I’m breaking up with Faster.  I just looked up the Hottie Blond Hit Woman’s name....it’s Lily. Faster, I thought you were hardcore. Why couldn’t she be called Female Killer? Way to ALMOST be awesome.

So, back to Cop. Let’s take a guess and say that he’s a few days away from retirement, ah-la Robert Duvall’s character in Falling Down, and he has a chance to either capture or kill Driver towards the end, but decides to let him go. Maybe there will be a speech like, “I’m retiring as a cop, no, not my name Cop, just my job, as a cop...yes, I know, it’s strange that my name is also my profession. Anyways, I’m retiring and I have a chance to kill you or send you back to jail, but you know what, you’ve just taken out like 4 or 5 scumbags. Yeah, you didn’t do it cop style - no, not my style as in Cop style, but cop style, as in a police officer - but either way, justice got served. You could say faster justice was served. Did I get the title of the movie into this monologue - you bet your ass I did. So, what I’m saying Driver, is that I’m gonna let you go cause, I’ve got some retirement to enjoy. And, maybe, I’ll get a call for Bad Santa 2 or, Badder Santa pretty soon...hopefully, cause, look at my career, I just starred in Faster.”

The movie opens with Driver in jail, about to be set free.

Gets the whereabouts of the revengees from some dude.

Grindhouse classic image - the hero asks God for forgiveness because, “He’s about to sin.”

In the preview we see Driver get pictures of his brother’s killers.

And...then we see them all killed. So, what’s left? Movie over, right?

With the obvious opponents already dead, it’s time to introduce - cops!

Why not have another pair of opponents. This time, extras from the CW.

The classic stare down all sides converging final action sequence where somehow the hero survives and takes out the seemingly invincible opponents.

Death Proof has a creative twist on the killer’s method.

Step 1: The car

The main problem with the Story Corp. version of this idea is how generic it is. Get big muscle dude with attitude, have him act tough and give him a gun. What’s UNIQUE about THIS person? What’s the, for lack of a better term, gimmick? Revengesploitation is a variation of the Slasher movie. And, just like ever monster needs a signature killing style, so too, do the vigilantes in these types of stories.

What is Driver’s revenge gimmick?

A great example is Kurt Russell’s character Stuntman Mike in Quentin Tarantino’s Death Proof.

Basically, he has this badass stunt car that’s specially made for the driver to be protected during crashes, making him...Death Proof.

Faster seems to set up Driver as a character obsessed with cars. So why not make that part of his method of revenge? Guns have been done sooooooo many times before, and so much better.

What’s the new approach for this character? That’s where every story needs to start: with the character. Defining the character defines the story.

Let’s start Faster with Driver feeling responsible for the death of his brother. Driver also has some background with evangelicalism. Maybe he’s a fanatic, or, he’s become one in jail. He and his brother were raised with these beliefs but they rebelled as youths. This lead to a life of crime, of breaking the rules. When his brother was killed, Driver took this as punishment from God, at least that’s what his father told him before he died.

Now he’s looking for redemption, or, believes he’s servant of God’s vengeance. The evangelist that Driver grew up listing to as a kid, comes to visit him in jail and offers him salvation. He trains him, brainwashes him over his 10 years in jail. Once he’s out, he’s out for DIVINE justice!

Step 2: The jacket

Step 3: The music

These are some possibilities that are organic. Here, the way it is, Faster is so...average. Fun, but average.

The car should be tied in. Okay, this idea is gonna be genre changing, but maybe he’s a little crazy and thinks that God is communicating through his radio?

Haha...maybe that’s too far of a stretch. Okay, how about he plays chicken with his victims? Again, we need a gimmick that separates him from previous vigilante characters.

It’s possible that part of him wants to die, so, he gives his victims a chance. He straps them in a car, locks the doors and tells them, “The one who doesn’t die wins.”

Step 4: The motivation

What’s stopping them from turning the car around, or avoiding the crash and driving away? Driver has the cars rigged with a bomb. If it gets too far away it automatically explodes or he just pushes a button.

This is kind of becoming Seven meets Death Proof.

It’s better than Death Wish meets Death Wish.

Throw in some cops, and sure, some rival killers, hit people, for added opposition, whatever. Just, make sure it’s organic to the theme of the character. Which goes back to creating a three dimensional person that needs this adventure in order to grow in some way.

Notice, as you read this, you think, “This is becoming less and less marketable by the paragraph.”

Which is the ultimate problem with mainstream moviemaking.

Marketing something with a different, new, original angle is difficult. Faster will make money BECAUSE it’s familiar!

It’s part homage, part spoof, all by-the-numbers-production. The title reflects how it was made: on the sped up assembly line so the profits can be made...Faster.

Step 5: The justice

 PREVIEW PROOF OF WORTHINESS

 PREVIEW PROOF OF UNWORTHINESS

   DID YOU NOTICE DURING THE PREVIEW?

Billy Bob Thornton is starting to look like Steve Buscemi?

The wacky behind-the-spedometer camera angle?

BOX OFFICE PREDICTION

PORN SPOOFABLE TITLE

The disturbing location and position the camera perv uses.

Drive and Killer play chicken. Neither backs down. But, because Killer’s car is so low to the ground, with the added angle created by breaking hard, it becomes a ramp, which Driver’s car uses to fly high into the air. Awesome.

Yes, that’s Mr. Eko from Lost.

“Driver” actually has a name: James Cullen

SEE THESE INSTEAD

Neveldine and Taylor, writer/directors of Crank, Crank: High Voltage and Gamer are geniuses when it comes to making modern day grindhouse movies. Check out their stuff.

Faster

Tagline: Slow Lovin’ is No Lovin’

THE RATING

Because this movie and we the audience know what it is, I have to give this a Worthy of big screen viewing rating, but, see it as a Matinee.

This reminds me of The Expendables and Machete. To enjoy these types of stories, you can’t take em’ too seriously.

It should be a fun time to bromance and whoop it up as we all cheer the violence, carnage and cheesy one-liners.

With that being said, even though the bar is set low here, the creativity and inspiration should be aiming a little higher but aren’t.

This gets a SIGN OF THE MOVIEPOCALYPSE rating because it’s kind of lazy. It’s too cliche without being fresh-cliche.

There are too many elements that have been done before in better ways for this to fall into the MOVIE HOPE category.

At least Uma Thurman used Kung Fu and swords of death and all that fun stuff in Kill Bill. Guns and cars have been so over done that this is like week old cold pizza: it’s edible, but doesn’t really have any flavor left.

LITTLE KNOWN FACT

With Shannon and Mr. Eko from Lost reuniting here, rumors are circulating that this is part of a Lost feature film. The world of Faster is purgatory and Driver is the purifier of souls. Look closely for Dharma Initiative symbols hidden in the background.

Also, to gain an understanding and appreciation for the genre, see the new, pretty great and totally R-rated documentary American Grindhouse. It’s currently download available on Netflix.

The Rock was simultaneously filming the Total Recall remake and forgot to take off his Kuato prosthetic during this scene.

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 ORIENTATION

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